How counseling can help guys.

Guys need therapy too.  Most of the men in my family are firefighters or police officers.  When they’re not working these dangerous jobs, they enjoy spending as much time as they can hunting, fishing, or riding motorcycles.

 

Even though they seem tough, I know firsthand even the toughest guys need to talk sometimes.  As a kid, I was often told I had an ¨old soul.¨  There were many times this trait helped me stay calm and assist others even in the craziest situations.  A childhood friend described me as the “conscience of our friend group.”  Life was stable and happy growing up as I had a great group of friends, played sports, and made good grades.

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However, in my early 20s, I found myself sitting on the couch in a counselor’s office.  At the time, there were some serious and downright scary situations that had recently occurred in my family, which left me lost and overwhelmed.  The thing is, I wasn’t supposed to be seeing a therapist.  I’m not saying I sneaked in and stole someone’s appointment, but, rather, I thought I had it all together.  I had a great family, was fresh out of graduating from a university, and was engaged to my high school sweetheart.  At the time, I thought seeing a counselor was something for people with real problems, not me.  Despite my best efforts, my life had gotten to a desperate place where pride went out the window and I needed help.  It was a hard, real-life lesson to the ripple effect that mental health issues can have not only on the person struggling, but also on the surrounding loved ones and family.

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My life was affected in two important ways from my time spent in therapy.  First, I was able to strategize, vent, and reflect on how I wanted to help my family, while still maintaining my goals and direction.  Though I did not want to see it at times, I began to recognize my role in the family problems.  It took (and still takes) work to practice how to be a more healthy presence in my family.  Significant healing has occurred in my family.  Second, my eyes were opened to the immense benefits of being able to honestly confide in someone.  After some time, it was clear to me that I needed to pay it forward by helping others in a similar way to how I had been helped.  My career path was forever changed.

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My clients are usually males and often have been told to come to counseling by a woman, usually a wife or mother.  I try to help guys understand some of the secret messages the women in their life are giving them.  Due to the fact I have been surrounded by women most of my working career as well as being married to a woman who works in the mental health field, I believe I am well-versed in this.  I also believe understanding and following one’s values helps my clients be the men they truly are meant to be.  My style is relaxed, but direct as I know many men are not looking for the stereotypical counseling experience (i.e. ¨How does that make you feel?¨).  So if you’re overwhelmed, confused, or simply have a woman "nagging" you, remember, guys need therapy too.